i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
