I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The Olympian is in my bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
