When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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