You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
worst night to have a conscience
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
