just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
