I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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