i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
