you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
