i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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