your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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