My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
