Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
