So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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