i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
