Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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