I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
