put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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