dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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