Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
