If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
