I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize