end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
