so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
