He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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