The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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