cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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