Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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