We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
