It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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