Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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