I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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