At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
