jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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