i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
