its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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