I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
