I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
