Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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