I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
