If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
