Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
