He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
