Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
