There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
