Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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