there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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