he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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