so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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