If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
