I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
