shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You are a genius and a whore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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