There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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