Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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