Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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