just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
