my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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