he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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