He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
