pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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