I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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