There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
