I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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