Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
