SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
