Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
