they need to just BURY HIM!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
