I've blown a few things in my day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
