I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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