first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
