Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
